Silent Atonement
by Shiroi Hoshi
Summary: Ciel regrets condemning Sebastian to be his butler forever, and constantly blames himself, but unknown to him, Sebastian is trying hard to break his cold personality so that he can finally let Ciel understand how much he means to him.
1. Chapter 1

Even though he displayed a façade of silent rage, strange sensations of euphoria rippled his insensitive demonic heart. He was to be Ciel Phantomhive's butler, and to remain so for eternity as long as they continued to journey in the mortal world.

_Bocchan,_

_Please forgive my seemingly unfeeling responses to small conversations. I am most apologetic. To me, Bocchan is always my first priority. I will not deny the fact that the one who once again filled my dead heart with emotions is the teal-haired, blue-eyed thirteen year old boy named Ciel Phantomhive._

_Bocchan, you must probably regret ordering me to stay your butler for the rest of eternity. I will do my best to heed your orders even though the chance to dine on your most exquisite and enticing soul has scattered with the wind._

_Please grant me more time to find my emotions once again. I promise that one day I will return all of Bocchan's feelings sufficiently with my own._

_Your faithful butler,_

_Sebastian Michaelis _

There was the sound of a drawer opening.

The sound of the drawer closing echoed throughout the dimly-lit, bare room, ricocheting off the walls.

In the suffocating darkness, a pair of red rubies glistened with a single drop of clear liquid.

He sat at his desk, his sapphire blue eye staring unblinkingly at the sheet of parchment before him, and set his pen down.

_Sebastian,_

_It must have been selfish of me to have you subject the rest of your eternity to my command, as my butler. Maybe that is why you will not converse with me like you used to. Maybe that is why you will not even show the slightest beginning of a smile whenever you comply with my orders._

_Do you hate me?_

_If you do, I have no authority to take that emotion from you. Hate me all you want._

_However, I still wish you to be my butler forever. I have gotten too used to your enigmatic yet comforting presence by my side. It has become something that I cannot live without. That is quite the only selfish part in my request._

_I most sincerely hope that you will be able to revert back to Sebastian Michaelis, the demon butler I was so familiar with some day in the near future._

_Ciel Phantomhive_

If the boy had been more aware, he would have noticed that the sound of his desk drawer closing was in harmony with the one a couple rooms down the hall outside.

He let his head fall into his hands, not knowing how to feel about the perplexing situation he had brought down upon himself.

**A/N: YAY! The first chapter of my very first Kuroshitsuji fanfic (: it's 442 words long XD this idea just popped up out of nowhere… and I was thinking that since I haven't written anything on yet I should write something.. my very first VERY FIRST fanfic XD PLEASE REVIEWW! I MIGHT CONTINUEE.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks for all your reviews! It's very encouraging! XD here's chapter 2! Oh and school is reopening for me tomorrow, so maybe I'll have to update less often ): I think softball is going to have me half dead almost everyday from now on… anyway, enjoy!**_

'_Bocchan, it's time to wake up now.'_

_The blinding light that Sebastian had let in by whipping the curtains away from the window pooled over Ciel's bed. He turned over with a small groan as the covers were gently ripped from his still sleeping body._

'_Bocchan, for today's breakfast I have prepared Jackson's Earl Gray, and for refreshments, it is your choice of blueberry scones or chocolate muffins.'_

_Ciel sat at the edge of the bed, dangling his legs over the sides as he accepted the cup of fragrant tea from Sebastian. 'Chocolate muffins.'_

'_You have a long day ahead of you, Bocchan, you should prepare yourself.' A flash of fluorescent violet crossed Sebastian's crimson eyes as he offered a smile._

'_Yeah. Get on with your work.'_

_Sebastian's smile widened as he got down on one knee and placed a hand over his chest. 'Yes, my Lord.'_

x.o.x.o.

'Bocchan, it's time to wake up now.'

Light splashed across Ciel's bed sheets and his eyes snapped open. One eye shone with the Faustian contract while the other rippled with a fluorescent violet before fading back to its normal bright sapphire.

Sebastian wordlessly handed Ciel a teacup. _Bocchan, it's your favorite Earl Gray. _The words caught in his throat, creating an impasse with his pride and his fiery longing to respond to his Bocchan's desperate eyes. He found then himself an excuse. _The cup is empty anyway._

Ciel took the cup and for a moment his fingers brushed against Sebastian's gloved ones. Incomprehensible pain and wanting crashed within him like waves against a lonely shore. 'What's my schedule for today?' he asked uselessly. _Why will you not speak with me like before?_

'Bocchan has nothing on today.' Sebastian replied quietly, not meeting the eyes of whom he was conversing with. _Just like everyday since you have transformed into one of my kind._

Ciel remained at a loss for words, until he could no longer take it. 'Get on with your work.' _Seeing you avoid me like this cuts me into a million pieces._

Sebastian knelt on one knee and placed a gloved hand over his chest. 'Yes, my Lord.' He wanted to break out of the binds his pride had tightened over him. He wanted to smile. He wanted to give his Bocchan just a small smile to help him, even if not much, have a better day. But in the end, he surrendered to defeat.

He got up, turned around, and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly, leaving Ciel sitting at the edge of the bed, staring after him.

x.o.x.o.

_Bocchan,_

_Please just provide me a little more time._

_Just a little more._

_Your faithful butler,_

_Sebastian Michaelis_

_x.o.x.o._

_Sebastian,_

_To me, I feel as if you are getting further and further away from me with every single passing day. However, I am still looking forward to the day where you will smile before complying with my orders, just like before._

_I might sound like a spoiled brat, but still this is what I will continue to hope for, since, I am a thirteen year old boy after all._

_I will wait for as long as eternity shall last, just to see you be Sebastian Michaelis, my butler, once again._

_Ciel Phantomhive_

**A/N: okay chapter 2 is done! I'm sorry if it sounds a little emo, and not as well done as chapter 1. I wrote this running a high fever of 38.8 degrees, so, please forgive any mistakes! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks to my fever, I'm now here at home, writing chapter 3 (: since I'm not in school right now, I shall try and make this chapter longer. I present you chapter 3! XD**_

Ciel sat motionlessly in his chair, absently moving his chess pieces across the checkered board. He knocked the White King over with a Black Pawn, chuckling humorlessly as the most important piece of the game clattered down on its side and eventually rolled over the edge of the table, landing on the thickly carpeted floor with a soft thump. It displayed a miserable picture of bleak loneliness.

Desperate and restless, Ciel gave the chess piece a kick and watched it crash on the wall opposite of him, leaving a deep dent in the white plaster. Curse his demonic powers. Finally, in an incomprehensible fury, he upturned his whole chessboard and swept everything off his desk, watching the fragile pieces drop onto the ground.

'I hate this,' he whispered, feeling his blue eye starting to heat up as it shone with the violent shade of fluorescent violet. 'Everyday it's as if I'm doing the same thing. Everyday it's as if I'm all alone. Everyday, _everyday_.' He brought his foot down upon the Black King, crushing it into power effortlessly. 'I _hate _this!'

He fell back into his chair heavily, his eye fading back into its usual sapphire as exhaustion came rushing into him. He leaned back into the chair, gazing at the ceiling, panting hard.

Ciel shifted his eye to the heavy wooden door with the brass handles. 'Sebastian!'

The door opened and the butler entered. 'Bocchan, you called?'

'I want something sweet to eat.' Ciel demanded. _Tell me no. Tell me that it would ruin my appetite for dinner. At least it would tell me that you still care._

Sebastian hesitated for a moment. _It would ruin Bocchan's dinner. _'Yes, my Lord, immediately.'

Once the door was closed, he heard Ciel let out a long agonizing cry. The Sebastian before would go back to check on him, but the Sebastian now just quietly walked away, further and further away from his heartbroken Bocchan.

x.o.x.o.

_Sebastian,_

_Do you really no longer care at all for me? Have what I did really hurt you that much? Do you really have no more desire to serve me? _

_I would order you to revert back to your old self, but I will not. I just thought that if you did it out of your own free will it would mean more than just following my selfish demands._

_However, Sebastian, just know that I will always continue to believe in you, and put my trust in you._

_Ciel Phantomhive _

x.o.x.o.

_Bocchan,_

_You must think that I deeply despise you for what you have done. But that is not the case, please do not blame yourself. You are the one and only Bocchan that I wish to serve. _

_Bocchan, it will not be easy to find my emotions once again, but I have given you my word that I will most definitely find it._

_Bocchan, please believe in me. If you believe in me, I will most certainly live up to that trust. _

_Your faithful butler,_

_Sebastian Michaelis _

x.o.x.o.

The full moon peeped out from the thin, wispy clouds, casting the shadow of trees against the walls of the Phantomhive Mansion. They looked like sorrowful tendrils hoping to find bliss.

Ciel opened his drawer to find an almost faded photograph. He picked it up and smoothed it onto the table.

It was the picture of him sleeping in his chair, which Sebastian had taken. In the picture, an imposed Sebastian was standing next to him with a hand over his chest, and outside the window behind him, Pluto was plastered against the glass.

When Sebastian had appeared in the photo, he had even told Ciel that he was honored to be Ciel's most important non-living existence. He had been _honored. _Was that a lie as well, part of the contract?

He was Ciel Phantomhive, and he did not care about trivial things like feelings and emotions. But if that was so, why did he feel such numbing pain in his heart, as if there was a cold hand slowly tightening… tightening?

**A/N: OKAY chapter 3 is finished! I think it's the longest chapter so far. Was it long enough? Though maybe about 60 words longer but I hope that's okay (: PLEASE REVIEWW! THANK YOU! XD**


	4. Chapter 4

_**I think that I should maybe write one more chapter before I go back to school for good tomorrow. I wish my fevers lasted longer XD but I hate eating medicine… and I heard from my friends that our form teacher this year is a real ass. X( that sucks T.T anyway… before I sink deeper into depression… chapter 4!**_

_Bocchan,_

_The weather today is perfect for a picnic, do you not agree? Remember the time you took Lady Elizabeth out in a boat to search for the rumored white stag? We had a picnic lunch by the banks while Lau-san and Ranmao-san were betting on your success and failure._

_Bocchan, even though you put on that tough act of yours, you were very content and at ease, were you not? Unlike the present, you have become more withdrawn and somehow lonely. I will always be by your side, as your faithful butler._

_I am after all, one hell of a butler. If the butler of the Phantomhive household fails to be at his master's side during turbulent times, where will we be?_

_Your faithful butler,_

_Sebastian Michaelis_

x.o.x.o.

Ciel stared out of the window at the azure blue sky, dotted with fluffy cotton wool clouds of magnolia white. He reached out and pushed the window open all the way, feeling the late morning breeze steal into his study and ruffle his bangs, exposing the black eye patch that covered his contract seal.

A faint distance memory of being in a boat with someone drifted to the surface of his mind, but he could not remember anything more than that, so he forced it back down the depths of his heart.

He felt as if there were gentle chains of melancholy binding him to a cliff hanging over a whirlpool of solitude, threatening to loosen anytime, letting him fall and fall and keep falling until he hit rock bottom.

The breeze brought with it comfort and peace, and Ciel had longed for these feelings from the bottom of his heart. He shut his eye and leaned over the windowsill, letting go of all his confusion and pain and suffering, desperately grasping at what little comfort nature had to offer him—his last resort. And he felt himself tumbling downwards towards the concrete path of the mansion grounds.

Panic seized him as he shouted the first word that came to his mind.

'…Sebastian!'

x.o.x.o.

A soft thud.

Warm embrace.

Gentle yet cold voice. 'Bocchan.'

Ciel's eye fluttered open and he pulled instinctively away from Sebastian's arms, instantly regretting it. 'Sebastian, you're late.'

'My deepest apologies, Bocchan. I was preparing your lunch of—'

'Don't bother!' Ciel snapped. 'If you don't care, then don't act as if you do just to please me. I don't want that!'

'Bocchan…'

'Your work is done now. You may go. Just leave me alone.' Ciel turned away from Sebastian as he slowly stood up.

'Bocchan…?'

'What is it? I told you to leave me alone!'

'Please be more careful in the future. It would be disastrous if the head of the Phantomhive Household were to get injured or hurt. Then, if you would, excuse me.'

Ciel waited until the last of Sebastian's footsteps faded before turning back to face the Phantomhive Mansion. It felt as if some warmth had returned to his broken, isolated heart. It might have even begun to heal a little.

x.o.x.o.

_Sebastian,_

_The weather today is really good. The breeze was soothing. It brought me comfort and peace. I felt as if all my worries had gone together it. It has been a long times since I have ever felt so carefree and unbound by pain._

_How about you, Sebastian? I feel as if you are more warmed up to me now, although that might just be me jumping to conclusions, I will just hold on to this small ray of hope. And I will never let go. Just like the spider's thread I told you about. I will never give up. I will grab hold of the spider's thread and continue to climb upwards until I reach my goal. I will continue to hold on to this ray of hope until you revert back completely._

_It hurts my pride to admit, but, Sebastian, I miss you. I cannot learn to let go of you. It would be too painful. Another selfish wanting, all for my own sake, and hurting you in the process._

_However, it was your words from this morning that completed my day. For that I thank you._

_Ciel Phantomhive _

**A/N: okay here's chapter 4! XD I really made effort into making this chapter as long as possible. Anyway I got to sleep now coz there's school tomorrow. Boooo. I shall find time to write more tomorrow since I have no softball. I can't say the same for Thursday and Friday though. PLEASE REVIEWW! XD**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hello! Oh my God I think I'm updating so often you'll get sick of me and this story XD my teacher this year REALLY is an ass. He speaks in a continuous monotone and suddenly adds in some high pitched word and the way he claps is kind of gay. Oh God no bad-mouthing. –zips up lips- mmmmmnnMMnnNNmmmNN! (translation: anyway here is CHAPTER 5!)**_

He watched the small sliver of moon majestically empty generous amounts of silvery white light through the gap in the curtains that had been drawn with just the slightest bit of carelessness. The brightness pooled onto his floor, mimicking rain puddles on a spring morning.

He slid the eye patch from his head and blinked both his eyes, the Faustian contract now visible. A gleam of white reflected off from his pair of mismatched eyes, blinding him for a mere second that seemed like endless years. The night was filled with a melancholic air of withdrawn ecstasy, tinged with a kiss of forlornness.

It was beautiful enough to bring tears of delirium, but yet it would bring along with it a reluctant sorrow, mixing hesitancy with the pleasure.

(**A/N: I'm sorry but I suddenly felt like describing a night full of juxtapositions. The night I'm imagining in my head is kind of magical… so I'm trying to describe until people out there can see it like I am! XD) **

It would be a waste to stay in his chambers. Ciel slid out from under his covers, still dressed in his nightshirt. Not knowing how to properly dress himself, he slipped his feet into his bedroom slippers, took his cloak hanging from the wall, pushed at the door and sauntered out down the dark, deathly silent corridors.

He stepped into the cool night air, frozen on the porch for a few moments. As he strolled along the Phantomhive Mansion grounds, he realized many things that he had never before known existed. He finally understood how his mansion had been kept so neat and organized. He got to know how the pathways were always clean and why the plants, bushes and trees were always tidy and trimmed and gardened.

And it got him wondering. _Where would I be right now, if it weren't for Sebastian, always dutifully carrying out his duties as a butler, and a demon bound to me by the contract?_

_Why didn't I treat him better last time when I had a chance to, when he was more open towards me?_

_Why… do I always have to do things first, and regret them later?_

x.o.x.o.

From a distance, a tall silhouette of a demon butler could be seen on the roof of Phantomhive Mansion, quietly dark, illuminated by the contrasting white of the almost full moon. Crimson red rubies watched a lone figure crouched on the pathway of the mansion garden, unmistakably trembling badly.

_Bocchan… you'll catch a cold if you cry out here like that._

A stinging pain embedded itself in Sebastian's chest like a sharpened, poison-tipped spear. Slowly, the prideful butler crouched down, his eyes never leaving his Bocchan. There was a nagging voice at the back of his head that he thought had long since existed—his conscience.

_This is the young master whom you have served for the last few years…_

_This is the boy who taught you how to feel again…_

_This is the boy who has been crying for you every night in his tear-filled dreams…_

_This is the boy who needs you…_

…_this is the boy whom you need most as well._

His mind was a mess, his emotions in turmoil. Right was wrong; wrong was right. It was impossible to tell. What to do; what not to do, he could no longer decide for himself.

But he knew that the Sebastian from the past would never forgive himself if he were to leave Bocchan out in the cold night, crying all by himself.

Just as he slid off the roof to land behind Ciel, the boy stood up, and walked back towards the mansion without as much as a backward glance.

Sebastian stayed still on the pathway, watching the innocent, ignorant teen close the door behind him and return to his bedchamber.

x.o.x.o.

_Sebastian,_

_Tonight's sky was beautiful. Velvet black with stars as silver as the polished chain of your pocket watch. Do you still keep that watch? It is quite impossible to forget the way you walk around with the old fashioned thing in your face._

_I had hoped you would join me in my midnight stroll but I was thoroughly mistaken, yet again hoping for something of the past. The past and present have opened up quite a long distance. _

_I wonder, if I were to journey back, and change things, would our present, the past's future, still be the same, or would things be different—better perhaps, or take a turn for the worst?_

_However, thinking of changing the present back in the past—turning back time—is such a childish and impossible thing, and I will give no excuse for my naivety. _

_Did you see the moon today, Sebastian? It is almost a full moon, and it is also stained a little blue. They say that wonderfully curious things happen when there is a full blue moon. Do you believe it such superstitions?_

_I shall retire for now. I hope that the day you will respond warmly to me will come soon._

_Ciel Phantomhive _

x.o.x.o.

_Bocchan,_

_I sincerely hope that you have not caught a cold in this chilly night air. Whatever were you thinking, sitting in the middle of the garden pathway? I was about to suggest you return to the mansion when you went back on your own accord._

_The wellbeing of Bocchan is one of my top priorities, among other things. Please do try not to fall sick. It would be a disgrace if word were to be spread._

_If the butler of the Phantomhive Household fails to keep his young master in the best of health, where would we be?_

_I am after all, one hell of a butler._

_Your faithful butler,_

_Sebastian Michaelis _

**A/N: YAY! There is chapter 5. Wow. To me it's one long chapter. I've never written such a long chapter before XD it's an accomplishment! And I feel happy! (except there's softball tomorrow CURSE IT, it just RUINED my good GOOD mood! T.T) **

**I write my chapters longer and longer and then you guys want them longer and LONGER and im trying my best… but don't you agree with me on one thing? Short chapters are filled with more suspense! If chapters are too long they might get a little boring… unless the author has the ability to capture her readers with her words! XDD**

**Wish me luck for training tomorrow! I might update tomorrow if I have time to (: PLEASE REVIEWW! I LOVE REVIEWS! LOTS AND LOTS OF 'EM! XDD 3**


	6. Chapter 6

_**I haven't gone AWOL (: im back, anyhow XD I had the whole of this morning to write this (: chapter 6~**_

Sebastian resembled an ornament in a painting a solitary. Cold flames burned on thick blocks of hardened wax sitting in small silver dishes, casting dark shadows on the intricate wallpaper.

_Bocchan…_

A wooden cross stared down at him from the library wall.

x.o.x.o.

_The door to Ciel's study opened and his butler entered._

_The pair of crimson eyes widened and his elegant eyebrows lifted in pure irony. 'My, my, Bocchan.'_

_A blue sapphire eye narrowed in annoyance. 'Speak up.'_

'_May I ask what business you might have with the Bible, Bocchan?'_

'_That's none of your concern, demon.' Ciel raised his face from the thin delicate pages of the Bible and glared at Sebastian, just as the breeze picked up a scrap of paper from his desk and it fluttered towards Sebastian._

_Sebastian held the crinkled paper nearer to his face and caught the word 'Lucifer' scribbled onto it in Ciel's rushed handwriting. 'Ah,' he nodded, understanding crossing his features. 'But why would Bocchan want to know that?'_

_A faint red hue stained Ciel's pale complexion. 'I was just curious, that's all. If you have no business here, just get out and leave me alone.'_

'_Bocchan, you could have just asked me.'_

_Ciel snapped the covers of the thick, leather-bound book hastily and slid it across the table to Sebastian. 'How did you demons come about?' he tapped the Bible. 'Was it as these words described?'_

'_Of course I would know about my ancestors, wouldn't I, Bocchan? There's no need to consult the Bible, is there?' Sebastian's smile widened to the extent of Ciel's brave front shattering._

_Ciel desperately grabbed the Bible and hurled it at the demon butler, who caught it expertly in between two long slender fingers. Sebastian placed the book back on the table and leaned across it to stare into Ciel's eyes._

_Ciel pressed himself deeper into his chair, his heart pounding violently._

'_Bocchan.'_

'…_get out…' Ciel gripped the arms of his chair. 'Get out!'_

'_Bocchan, are you afraid?' Sebastian straightened and pushed the Bible back towards Ciel. 'Are you afraid of us demons?'_

'_Get out!'_

'_Bocchan, you wanted to know how we are created.' Sebastian walked around the table towards Ciel. 'We demons are the very core of your vengeful, revenge wanting souls. We are the very being of your most wanted desires. We exist for the very reason of fulfilling your dreams and in return we devour your soul.'_

_Sebastian ran a finger down Ciel's face from his temple down his cheek, and gripped his chin, tilting it towards his face, a cold smile playing on his lips. 'And these devoured souls are reborn into new wish-granters—demons.'_

_Ciel jerked away from Sebastian's cold touch. 'Get out—this is an order!'_

_Sebastian dropped to one knee and placed a hand over his chest, still smiling. 'Yes, my Lord.'_

x.o.x.o.

Ciel sat in his study absentmindedly throwing darts at the target, every red part of the bulls' eye pierced with a sharp, feathered silver knife.

_What can I do for Sebastian?_

Throw.

_Why will he not speak to me for such a long time?_

Throw.

_What the hell is wrong?_

Ciel hurled his last dart at the bulls' eye, his eye glowing fluorescent violet.

The dart tore a hole in the target, and drilled through the wall. Cracks started from the sides of the perfectly round hole and spread to the surroundings. The wall crumbled in a haze of white.

A shadow was visible behind the dust, and as it cleared, revealed Sebastian, holding the dark in between two fingers, his eyes flashing fluorescent violet. 'Bocchan.' He walked through where the wall had previously been. 'Please control yourself.'

Ciel stood up abruptly. 'Sebastian, I want something sweet.'

Sebastian placed the dart on the table. 'Understood.' He bowed, walking away slowly.

'Sebastian!'

'Is there anything wrong, Bocchan?' Sebastian turned around.

'Fix the mess.'

'Understood.' Sebastian bowed again.

Ciel watched his butler walk away, and when he was finally gone, he brought a fist down onto the table, denting the wood. _Damn it! Why couldn't I say it?_ A single tear slid down his cheek. _I wanted to tell him I needed him, and that was why I wanted him to stay my butler forever._

Sebastian's steps dragged on the floor more than usual. _I wanted to tell Bocchan that I would always be there for him. But I just couldn't._

x.o.x.o.

_Bocchan,_

_You are becoming more troubled with each passing day. I can feel myself worrying about you more everyday. Please pull yourself together and continue to place your trust in me. _

_I can assure you I will be coming back soon._

_Your faithful butler,_

_Sebastian Michaelis _

x.o.x.o.

Ciel placed another manila envelope into his drawer, placing his pen back into its stand. 'Sebastian…'

x.o.x.o.

_Sebastian,_

_Maybe I've been too hopeful. Maybe I've been too naïve. Maybe you would never forgive me like the way I'd always imagined and dreamed of. _

_You would hate me forever for your condemnation. I'd never be forgiven. But still I would never let you go. That is just how selfish I am. That is something that will never change. All I can do is ask that you forgive me someday._

_Ciel Phantomhive _

**A/N: okay! I've finally updated! How's my chapter 6? It's a short chapter since I was wondering if I should finish up the whole story by chapter 7… please tell me if I should finish up the story in the next chapter or stretch it a little longer. No worries I plan to write a sequel! PLEASE REVIEW! XD**


	7. Chapter 7

_**I feel kinda sad… this might be the last chapter of the story already. Well, scratch that. This IS the last chapter, I'll make it really long XD well training days have increased. There goes my beautiful Saturdays… even now, I've just come back from softball DX horrible, horrible. Anyway I've babbled enough. Chapter 7—**_

Winter was such an enigmatic, bewitchingly forlorn season. Beautiful, innocent white snowflakes fluttered solitarily in the cold, resting gently on the even, thickly snow-covered ground, immediately losing its individual uniqueness, unable to be told apart from its many other uncountable companions.

The young earl pressed both his palms on the window, his face close to the strangely melancholic scenery outside, his breath steaming up the glass. His sapphire blue orb flashed, stung with unshed tears, but he refused to let a single drop slip out from his eye, it was Christmas eve.

Christmas. The season of giving.

_Giving? How ironic, when I am depriving him from his freedom._

Ciel withdrew his hands and walked back around his desk to sit in his armchair by the warm, friendly heat crackling in his fireplace. Letting his eye drift shut, he tumbled into the unfathomably dark yet comforting vortex of the resolution named sleep.

x.o.x.o.

Sebastian opened the door to Ciel's study gently, letting his crimson red eyes take in the sight of his Bocchan sound asleep in his armchair, a still-wet track of his tears snaking down the left side of his face, from his eye to his jaw.

Something snapped inside him, as he stayed frozen in his spot in front of the wooden door, a feeling of unworthiness, as if he had somehow failed in his job as Ciel's butler, even though he was but the most excellent butler there was.

_The butler of the Phantomhive household caused his master's tears to be wasted, where are we now?_

The adamant will to dry Ciel's tears overwhelmed Sebastian and melted his demonically emotionless heart, but something held him back, something prevented his legs from moving forward, something prevented his hands from reaching into his pocket to bring out a handkerchief. Something. Something prevented him from bringing comfort to the Bocchan that belonged to him.

Something made him turn around and walk out of the room, closing the door so softly it made no sound at all.

x.o.x.o.

_Bocchan,_

_I apologize for those tears that you have shed. It must have been my fault.__ Bocchan, you should avoid sleeping outside in your armchair like that. You might catch a cold._

_Your faithful butler,_

_Sebastian Michaelis _

x.o.x.o.

His blue eye fluttered open, the cold sunlight immediately piercing his vision in a merciless attack. He stood up, stiff, to have spent a whole night in a chair. He looked outside the window and sighed softly. The snowfall had become heavier overnight.

The date circled in red on the calendar caught his attention. It was already Christmas Day. He pulled at his rumpled shirt, desperately trying to make himself appear presentable, if even the slightest bit. He went around to his desk and positioned himself in his chair, the pen poised over a fresh sheet of slightly yellowed parchment.

x.o.x.o.

_Sebastian,_

_Isn't falling snow exquisite? They resemble frozen drops of tears, unable to reach under the ground, trapped above the earth, hard and alone. I sympathize with them. However, how can such sorrowful things still appear so beautiful? I guess there are two sides to everything._

_I apologize for not knowing how to atone for my mistakes. But I know I'd like to tell you one thing: Merry Christmas, Sebastian. _

_If there is anything you might possibly desire, I might be able to grant it._

_Just tell me._

_Ciel Phantomhive _

x.o.x.o.

Sebastian saw through the gap in the door his Bocchan putting something into his drawer, his desk a mess: parchment and paper were strewn all over the wooden tabletop, a couple scrap pieces falling onto the floor.

Ciel got up and started to walk out. Sebastian stepped behind the door as Ciel opened it, walking down the corridor, not even sensing the familiar dark aura watching him from behind.

Sebastian entered the spacious study, ready to clean the room. He walked towards the table, gathering up the loose parchment and paper, stacking them neatly in a corner, placing a paperweight on the top of the stack. He placed the pens in the glass cup and dusted the table.

Just as he turned around to tidy up the shelves, he noticed that one drawer was not shut tightly. He was about to close the drawer when he noticed the corner of an envelope sticking out. He opened it completely to see a whole drawer full of envelopes all marked with two words in Ciel's rushed, cursive handwriting: _Sebastian Michaelis._

He picked up the one sitting right on top of the mess and slit the seal on the back with Ciel's silver letter opener.

_Sebastian,_

_Isn't falling snow exquisite? They resemble frozen drops of tears, unable to reach under the ground, trapped above the earth, hard and alone. I sympathize with them. However, how can such sorrowful things still appear so beautiful? I guess there are two sides to everything…_

x.o.x.o.

Ciel knocked once, twice, on the door of the butler's room. There was no answer. He tried the handle and it turned, opening the door to reveal the small, dark room. Ciel entered and switched the lights on. Most of the light fell on the table in the corner of the room, and Ciel could see a small black box on the side of the table.

He walked towards the box and lifted the heavy lid. Inside was a whole pile of envelopes, marked with one word: _Bocchan._

He gingerly picked up the one right on top and opened the unsealed enveloped, sliding out a sheet of paper.

_Bocchan,_

_I apologize for those tears that you have shed. It must have been my fault…_

x.o.x.o.

The butler's light footsteps thudded on the thickly carpeted corridor, envelopes clutched in his hand.

The boy's heavy steps echoed softly as he ran down the dark hallway, his fists clenched around stacks of envelopes.

'Bocchan!'

'Sebastian!'

Master and servant faced each other, panting lightly, until their eyes reached the hands of the other, their hearts stopped beating.

Envelopes fluttered gently onto the ground in the space between them, resting in a small heap.

Sobs wrecked his body as his sapphire orb filled with tears, trickling in a steady flow down his pale, slightly flushed cheeks. 'Why didn't you just tell me?'

Sebastian continued to stare at Ciel as his tears reached the ground, soaked up by the carpet. 'Bocchan…'

'Why didn't you tell me anything? What's the point of writing all these letters if you don't even give them to me? What's the point of hiding them all in a box?' Ciel's sapphire eye started to glow fluorescent violet. 'Sebastian! Answer me! This is an order!'

'Bocchan, please calm down—'

'Just answer me!'

'Bocchan, I couldn't bring myself to tell you all these verbally. I wrote the letters, because these words were weighing on my heart so heavily I thought I would no longer be able to breathe properly. Bocchan, please understand that your reason is probably the same.'

Ciel's tears continued to spill as he forced himself to nod in agreement.

Sebastian placed a gloved hand on Ciel's shoulder. 'Bocchan, please don't cry. If word were to get out that the butler of the Phantomhive household caused his master to cry, what would people say?'

Ciel's heart broke into a million pieces. He had decided. 'Sebastian. Merry Christmas.'

Sebastian's eyes widened but he felt the first genuine smile tug at the corner of his lips. 'Well, thank you, Bocchan. Merry Christmas.'

'Sebastian, break the contract.' A last tear slipped from Ciel's eye as the words were uttered from his lips.

'Bocchan…?'

'That's an order. _Break the contract._ It's the last command you'll ever get. Just do it.' Ciel turned away and he felt Sebastian's hand slide from his shoulder.

'Bocchan, do you understand the weight of your words?' Sebastian's usually smooth, suave voice was now slightly hoarse and whispery. 'Bocchan?'

'Shut up, demon. I have given you the freedom that you desire. Now just accept it and don't question my decisions.' The broken pieces of Ciel's heart swirled with the breeze and disappeared, dispersed together with the snow and wind. _Sebastian… letting you go is the hardest thing that I have ever done._

Sebastian slowly came down on one knee and brought his hand to his chest.

Ciel turned around to hear his butler utter the reply one last time.

Sebastian looked up and his wet crimson eyes pierced into Ciel's, who clenched his fists and tried to stop his knee from trembling.

'…yes, my Lord.'

The atmosphere broke and Ciel turned, running away from his former butler as fast as he could.

Sebastian stood up slowly, staring after Ciel as he dried his wet eyes with his thumb. 'I will definitely return for you.' _Bocchan, you will always be my master, even if the contract is broken._

x.o.x.o.

Ciel stood beside the tree quite a long way from the front of the mansion, watching a dark cloaked figure disappearing into the night. He had avoided Sebastian for the rest of the day, afraid that if he made eye contact or spoke with Sebastian, even saying goodbye, he would change his mind about letting him go.

'Sebastian…' he whispered. 'I know you'll return someday. I'll wait for you until you do.'

x.o.x.o.

**A Winter Several Centuries Later**

A little girl sat in the snow, holding her injured bleeding knee. Tears fell from her frightened eyes as she waited, lost and alone for somebody to help her.

She was suddenly engulfed in a warm pair of strong arms, and a voice murmured in her ear. 'Ojou-chan*, are you hurt?'

She turned around to see a young man smiling warmly at her. She shook her head slowly. 'My knee…'

The man ripped out a hem of his shirt and bound it tightly around the small bleeding knee. 'It's all right now, ojou-chan. You'll be fine. Now, where are your parents?'

The little girl shook her head. 'I don't know… I got lost… mommy is at a big house somewhere around here, but I went out to play and I fell.'

'Let's go find your mother. She must be worried.'

They walked together in the snow, looking out for the 'big house' that the girl had been talking about.

The girl suddenly tugged on the man's sleeve. 'Wait, onii-chan*. The house is around here!'

The man looked at the direction the girl was pointing to. 'Oh?'

'I know because when I walked from the house, I saw this tree with the statue of a boy sitting next to it!' the little girl happily stumbled over to the tree, pointing at the figure sitting next to it.

The black hair, tinged with some blue, was finely dusted with layers of powdery white snow. The only visible eye of the face was closed, since a black eye patch had covered the other. The arms were clasped together at the stomach. If it had been spring, it would look as if a boy had fallen asleep by the tree. It was a tranquil sight.

The man turned to the girl. 'Do you know the way back from here, ojou-chan?'

The girl nodded happily and skipped away, shouting, 'thank you onii-chan!'

If she had stayed facing the man just a little longer, she would have seen his crimson eyes glow a fluorescent violet.

She would have seen the single teardrop that was making its way down the side of his face.

*Ojou-chan= little girl/ little lady

*Onii-chan= big brother

**A/N: okay! It's finished! About the sequel… I think this is actually kinda good for an ending so maybe there won't be a sequel (: I cried writing it. Yeah. XD wow this is a long chapter. I put in lots of effort for this one since it's the last chapter (: PLEASE REVIEWW! THANK YOU! XD**


	8. Chapter 8

Hello:D i know you've been waiting for that sequel. and it's here :D i might not be able to update soon coz there are Nationals coming and it'll be softball until August. Wish me Luck :D And enjoyyy.

Here's the link: **.net/s/6969102/3/Entwined_Paroxysm**

PLEASE REVIEW!

LOVE YOU ALL XD


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